Why I can't oppose those things which my parents want me to do? And why I'm still obeying those things even if they're against my desires? It's because I know in myself that they are right and they know the things which are the best for me. For my future.
September 27, 2009. around 5:00pm-6:00pm
In this exact date, I found myself half-alive. This is the day where me and the guy that I love have to stop our relationship. Quite emotional huh.
I was forced to do it.
My eyes were teary since Saturday because I was trying to keep my tears from falling. Sometimes, I couldn't help myself. I am a "baby-cry" girl.
While waiting for the sacrament meeting in their ward to start, I was so nervous. I want to escape. I want to skip that day with nothing happening. I want to freeze myself and move no more. I want to cry...a lot.
He passed the sacrament emblems. While he was standing on the isle of the row where we sit, I just bowed my head and didn't create a little move. I did it twice.
Finally, he sat down. I looked at him sadly. I'm thinking of him. He was very innocent for what was my purpose why we went there. I was so guilty. I was so unfair.
After that sacrament meeting, he came at my back while I stay sit on my chair. He touched my nose, a thing he always do. He approached me in that way so I looked back and stand. He shook my parent's hands. I walked slowly towards to him. We left the hall with each others side.
Sunday school class.
He grabbed his cellphone in his pocket and start typing something.
"i love you"
He handed to me his cellphone. I replied.
"i love you too."
He held my hands so many times. I love it. There are times that he leans his head on my shoulder. Sweet.
After all those classes. I called him and went to a room. This is the moment that killed me. I said.......
"Sim. hindi ko ito ginusto. Ayaw kong gawin ito. Pero kailangan ko talagang makipag-break sa'yo."
It was hard for me to say those words. It took time for me saying it clearly. I saw that he was surprised. He became puzzled. I was beheld by his answer.
"Nakikipaghiwalay ka na sa akin? May nagawa ba ako? Vanezza, hindi ko kaya."
T'was not the exact words he had said. I can't remember it but the sense is there. I explained it to him why. He insist me not to do it but I can't give back what I've said. He mentioned about having a secret relationship but I denied. I told him that we're not obeying the commandment.
I cried a lot! It took a long time for me to shoosh. A few minutes later, my parents entered the room. He was quiet and I was crying while my parents are talking to us.
he: Hindi ko po kaya.
me: Hindi ko rin kaya.
My parents gave us plenty or advices and share their concerns. He looked at me and said,
"Ayoko talaga."
After that, I told my parents to leave us and let us talk. They leave.
he: alam mo, kung yan ang gusto nila, ok lang. 'Yan din ang gusto nila mama. Sinasabi ko sa kanila nang harapan, "mahal ko talaga sya eh".
me: kahit ako rin. *sob* ayaw ko talaga.
Then, he hugged me tightly. So tight.
We're about to leave.
I went ouside with him. We walked slowly, talking about the last decision.
We made a promise.
i draw this picture:) [09-29-09]
me: ano, hintayan na lang tayo huh?
he: hanggang kelan?
me: hanggang sa right time.
he: promise.
me: promise...*teary eyes & little sobs* ingat ka lagi ahh.
he: basta tandaan mo lagi na mahal na mahal kita.
me: mahal na mahal din kita.
As I enter our car, I cried harder. I'm stopping it for it wouldn't make any sound. I gasped for air.
The car started. We drove and I looked back. He was staring at my direction. I don't know if he sees me. He was staring until our car disappeared from his sight.
I was still crying inside our car. I lie down and fell asleep afterwards.
xxx
After that, I told my parents to leave us and let us talk. They leave.
he: alam mo, kung yan ang gusto nila, ok lang. 'Yan din ang gusto nila mama. Sinasabi ko sa kanila nang harapan, "mahal ko talaga sya eh".
me: kahit ako rin. *sob* ayaw ko talaga.
Then, he hugged me tightly. So tight.
We're about to leave.
I went ouside with him. We walked slowly, talking about the last decision.
We made a promise.
i draw this picture:) [09-29-09]he: hanggang kelan?
me: hanggang sa right time.
he: promise.
me: promise...*teary eyes & little sobs* ingat ka lagi ahh.
he: basta tandaan mo lagi na mahal na mahal kita.
me: mahal na mahal din kita.
As I enter our car, I cried harder. I'm stopping it for it wouldn't make any sound. I gasped for air.
The car started. We drove and I looked back. He was staring at my direction. I don't know if he sees me. He was staring until our car disappeared from his sight.
I was still crying inside our car. I lie down and fell asleep afterwards.
xxx
Next day... 09-28-09
I woke up very early in the morning. It was so chilly.
I went outside our bedroom & I looked for my mom's cellphone. I checked out the inbox and found Rone's text message.
"... yung promise mo hah? basta sincere ako sa promise ko..."
After reading that text message, tears began to cover my eyes, reason that I did not see much clearly.. Crying moment again.
I went back to bed.. still sobbing..
"If you were meant for each other, in the end, you'll still end up with each other." -mommy
Haha.. Fixing my clothes while waiting for my turn - on dance presentation! XD
